I choose to remember her this way. Happy, laughing and having fun. Not how she's been the last few years.
Apparently the people and caregivers in the place she was last living in loved her very much too. We, my sis & I, couldn't seem to get her to open up to us when we went to visit her but they told us that she was funny and loved to laugh with them. We so appreciate these amazing people who can take care of others that are on their last ride home.
I think a lot about her and miss the Mom I grew up with. I'm grateful that she got to see her great-granddaughter who recently turned 1 year, just weeks before she passed.
I'm sure some folks think that I don't appear to be all that emotional about her passing but those are people who don't know me. Yes, I would get angry when she was nasty to me when I went to visit. Yes, I didn't like that she didn't seem to appreciate anything we did for her. But I also knew that it wasn't my Mom, but the dementia she suffered from. Now, she's no longer confused, she's no longer in pain, she's mobile and joined together with the others and shouting " Compai!" and slamming sake around the sukiyaki table. The woman, along with my Dad, who taught me to be strong, independent and to stand up for myself and whats right.
The last couple of weeks she became unresponsive. She couldn't speak much but i would watch her eyebrows for expressions of recognition or pain. She did revive once but quickly went back "out" and never really recovered from it. I told her a couple of times that if she was ready, to go ahead and go. We would be fine. She didn't need to worry about us anymore, including hours before she passed. When the phone rang just before midnight of the 22nd, I knew before I answered. " I'm sorry to tell you that your Mom has passed." I had been there for about 2 hours that night and I just knew it wasn't going to be long.
We didn't have a service as she really didn't know anyone here but we found out that the Pastor of the last church she had gone to would come by fairly often. We had no idea. She hadn't been able to go to church for some time but he apparently came and chatted with her, prayed with her which I'm sure gave her comfort. We did, however, go to his service on Memorial weekend as they were having a small memorial to her there. We also appreciate his visits to her. They all seemed to be very moved at her passing.
As for me, I'm no longer stressed by the difficulty she was having remembering. It feels odd to not go out to visit her as I had for the last 10 years almost every week. It has been an interesting 1st half of the year for me. But I am strong, alive and I will persevere. I have my family and some very good friends to lean on when things get a bit overwhelming but so far I'm doing fine. I won't say great but fine will do. I've lost a couple of big stressors in my life recently and I feel pretty relaxed now.
Rest in Peace Mouse and say hi to everyone for me. I do love you very much and always have.
Now you know why I haven't posted in awhile. Right?!?
I've begun a Belly Dance class on Fri. mornings now. 11:30am at the Studio. 4648 Speedway just west of Swan. Please come and shake everything! It's a beginning level class and open to everyone. Bring a mat and your coin belts/hip scarf and dance with us.
$10/class or $32/4classes/month. It's a great deal of fun and a wonderful way to work on your balance and body awareness while laughing and dancing.
Dance like no one is watching, dance like everyone is watching!
Peace & keep dancing